Flawed: The Human Condition

So many people see 'love' in the refrigerator, the joint, pills or the bottle that it is sad. Narcissism abounds, of course, but people under its influence are the least happy people I have ever met. People with good friends seem to be the happiest.

True self-love is the most difficult thing to attain. We have to learn to accept who we are and tolerate our flaws and failings because that is the human condition. Not only is nobody perfect, nobody needs to be. Just like most people have chubby periods, most of us also have times when we are weak of character. It may be in our youth before the frontal lobe matures. Or maybe we don't do anything really stupid, selfish or self-indulgent until our own particular mid-life crisis, but everybody blows it sometime. The lucky ones are moved and able to make amends and can move on quickest. Others may suffer with the consequences for a lifetime, but taking responsibility for our own side of the street is at least a partial remedy.

Being flawed is what allows us to be loved and lovable. I learned that a few years ago during a grueling medical treatment, which was the only time I ever needed anybody. Or at least, so I arrogantly thought. Otherwise, I just wanted people around for the good times, you see. When I had a bad hair day, or even a personal crisis, I would lock myself in hiding until I recovered. Looking back, I wonder if my parents would have wanted me to starve over one Christmas shortly after I ran away from home. They were hurt, shocked and furious wtih me. I had contacted them and even seen them, but I only had $1.75 to my name for a week. It wasn't enough to take the $1.70 train ride both ways. I had too much false pride to even think of asking them for the money or a lift home as we were on such shaky terms. Now that appears ridiculous.

My parents were human beings and had been incredibly demanding of me specifically, because I was mature for my age in their eyes. From five years on I had been utterly responsible until the day I ran away from home feeling justified. Taking my previous maturity for granted as an indication that I would always make great choices was their mistake, of course. I was just a kid like their other four. Less immature, perhaps, but still a kid with that limited frontal lobe at 18.

With experience I learned that if I don't let people in when I'm upset or needy about something, I can't expect them to be mind readers. Thinking, nobody ever helped me, as a judgment on other people is silly. Nobody is going to spend their time watching us for 'clues' unless we happen to live with Sherlock Holmes. (You do know he was not a real person, right?)  Keeping people from seeing my vulnerable side is a method I used to use to prevent any kind of intimacy. Being open is a positive form of honesty and allows people to feel close to us, which deepens friendship. Not that we want to be complainers or whiners - which is a waste of everybody's time including our own - by sometimes a kind ear will help us sort out our own issues and find solutions.

In fact, I wish everyone realized that human beings just can't love 'perfect' people. That is what worship is for, folks. My evidence? The reality shows (that glorify complete idiots doing stupid crap) and the celebrity fever out there. We love to cheer on the reality types because they are so uncommonly human but we never really love those celebrities, even if we try to emulate them in our dizzier moments. Of course, it's probably not the best idea to jump into a shark tank or eat worms either, as life is risky enough without adding weights to our wet or dry suit.

In any case, nobody needs or likes a poser as ego runs that particular posture. Learn how to risk being your authentic self and try to cultivate kindness, tolerance, acceptance, humility (almost left that one out!) and yes, even "love".  You'll attract a crowd of flawed admirers and friends just like you. And they'll be lovable too. Oh, and don't forget to think about the other people out there. They've got all the same issues we do plus their own personal ones. Be kind and maybe even polite, folks. It makes the world a much nicer place.