Experiment in painting with a simple enough motif...

There are so many beautiful things in the world that people like me seem to always feel in awe of something.  I am easily pleased when I can write, paint, sculpt, cook, garden or talk.This weekend was a painting weekend. It was too hot yesterday - it went from about 50 to 80 overnight - and too wet today to do anything else. So, here is the painting I finally finished, even though I started it last Sunday. Let's just call it, "Cedar Waxwing".

Step One

I happen to love trees and birds and fruit trees, so I incorporated these in a painting.This was the beginning of my effort, after I had sketched it out and begun painting in the bird and the branches on the tree.  As you will see, these changed quite a bit as I went on, mainly because I didn't like the colors that are naturally on the bird with the color I wanted on the berries.

Step Two

It was very easy to put that first sketch together and imagine that the painting was going to be an easy one.  I always think I have an easy concept and that it won't take me long to put it on paper. After I started this, I thought I probably should have put the bird more in the center, but it was really too late to change it once I was at this stage. The background is just white paper, although in this picture it looks tan as I didn't use a flash.

My art teacher has offered the concept that we can paint the same picture again and again - each time correcting our mistakes and making it exactly the way we want to have it - but I am not that prolific a painter yet. Just the idea of painting something once intimidates me.:) At some point I hope that I will be good enough to "whip paintings out"... but I may not live long enough for that. I am a slow painter and a slow sculptress too. Maybe it is because I want it to be 'perfect' or maybe it is because I am just slow at this and too timid sometimes.

Step Three

This is when I started having problems.  I didn't like my leaves. Now, I know that doesn't seem like a crisis moment, but as leaves take up a great deal of this picture, I started to get anxious over them. They looked too amateurish to me. The light wasn't right and they didn't have good shadows. Then I decided that all the branches were way too thin, and so I started to remedy that.

I was actually very frustrated at this stage and sorry I was working on something without a good photograph to copy. Clearly I could not paint what was in my mind's eye.
Step Four

I have learned that sometimes we are just out of gas creatively.  If you don't put down the paint brush and do something else, you'll wreck your painting.  Believe me, I have done it and after putting several hours into this already, I had no intention of messing it up if I could help it.  

I played with the background for a while. Then I worked on the bird feathers, then I worked on the berries, trying to get them to look shiny and bright and delicious. I started working on the leaves again and realized that they were not coming out well.  I would have to start again, lift the color off of them and try to find a way to make them look light-filled.  Then it occurred to me what was wrong.  In this picture you are looking up to see the bird and the berries.  The light is coming from behind the leaves. That was why they didn't look right to me.  So I set to work on trying to make the light shine through them.

Step Five

Now I had the bird under control and the branches and the berries, but those darn leaves were making me crazy. I played around, lifted off, darkened them, lifted that off, and then finally got one leaf the way I wanted it.


In between I made dinner, of course, but it was all I could do not to go back to the art room. My husband was sweet.  He kept saying, "I don't know what you think is wrong with it. I think it's nice. It has an Asian feel to it and it looks good."

Of course, the pictures I had taken made the background look much more yellow than the actual painting, so I was concerned he wouldn't like it as much when he saw it. Why do I care, right?

I am embarrassed to admit it, but I always need approval for my paintings. Even if I like them, I want other people to tell me they like them too. It's childish, I admit it, but I am just learning to paint and so I feel like my feet are off balance and that I am not in control.  Probably that is wonderful for me, as I rarely feel inadequate or unworthy. (Of course, that was a joke. I was making an allusion to Wayne's World, the first movie.)

Step Six - The finished painting

As you can see, the final painting has a lot of yellow in the background, as I decided that I wanted something warmer and also a little dramatic. I left the center of the painting with a little whitish area so that it would sort of glow, and I darkened the bird, lightened the berries, put some gold over the leaves so that they seemed to have light coming through the way it does at dusk. The actual painting is a little lighter than this shot, but the background is a developing sunset.

My last little touch was the Chinese symbol for 'bird'. I added it because it felt like an Asian painting when I finished and I wanted to carry that through.  I can say that I really do like this painting and I think I will probably frame it and hang it in the house somewhere unless one of the kids wants it. It has a nice feel to it and it is warm and... Ridgefield-y. (My town.) This scene could be from my backyard.

My thought of the week: Paint what you love and you'll love what you paint.

Feeding the Soul...

Today I am going to start a new watercolor. Nobody reading this should care, frankly, but my point is not what I am going to do this afternoon. Rather it is to pose a question. What have you done to feed that inner creative child who wants to play and needs release?

We Americans totally immerse ourselves in work which is admirable I suppose, but generally an over-reaction to our inbred consumerism. We now hold the dubious honor of working more hours than our Japanese friends - whom we used to criticize/admire for their productivity. Then we over-achieved even these over-achievers.

Yes, I know how it is. If you have a job, you're currently doing the work of the seven people who were let go, three of whom were actually quite productive. And if you don't have a job? Well, like me, you'll do almost anything to put food on the table. Or will you?

Tell me about it. Get your shame out on the table and then forgive yourself for being such a ... whatever you were. You'll find your compadres and comadres here.

During my job search I was offered two jobs. In between I spent hours and hours and then more hours writing resumes, perfect cover letters, interviewing with pizzazz and generally promoting myself as if I sat at the right hand of the gods. What did I learn from this? No matter how much I think material things matter to me, I have principles. Candidly, it was reassuring. On the other hand, it was scary as hell.

Who works their whole life realizing that beyond survival most of it means nothing? A few of us. Some never really get it that it is our relationships with people, the earth and how we make our personal footprints that matter. Not much more. Oh, yes, if you cured cancer, that would make a difference, or if you were Ella Fitzgerald or George Washington or some incredible savant, but most of us?  We're just folks.

I keep needing to learn over and over again, as if I have some sort of spiritual amnesia, that it is about being our most authentic selves and practicing good damage control. And so I need to feed my soul frequently and quiet my personal inner turmoil often.

Certainly there are other people who don't need 2x6 therapy to come to their senses, but as you get to know me you'll realize I don't lack for an opinion. Ever.

So now that I've bared some of those inside thoughts that probably should have stayed there... how about a couple of yours? What moves your motor? Floats your boat? What obsessions do you have? I'll try to post something every day, but if you don't give me some feedback that will get old.:)

My soul food will be a painting of a little clownfish snuggling into a sea anemone. Who doesn't love a Nemo theme, after all? Naw, not your thing and maybe once I paint it, it won't be mine either, but who cares? Today for me is about letting my spirit free and playing as if I were a child. Joy to all of you, my friends.